April 20 – May 20
Time to take some stock of yourself and where you’re at. Make a list of the projects you’ve been putting off and think long and hard about why that’s the case. If it happens to be Spring where you’re at, buy yourself some flowers. If it isn’t, fuck it, I recommend bourbon to soften the blow of realness. You don’t have to figure all of your shit out but you do need to locate some sort of center. If that means clearing your calendar and making time to #selfcare, do that. If that means throwing away your possessions and moving to a remote island in the Pacific, well, you do you.
May 21 – June 20
Are you listening to enough Fetty Wap? Enough Lauryn Hill? Enough A Tribe Called Quest? When’s the last time you had a soft serve cone from McDonald’s? When’s the last time you thanked yourself for the work you’re doing? It’s a hard job being Queen of the castle and also the crowd singing your own praises, but sometimes it’s necessary. No one’s gonna love you like you do. If a few extra dollars come your way this month, don’t worry too much about being frugal like you usually do.
June 21 – July 22
Have you heard this song? Seems like you might like it. Have you seen this movie? I don’t recommend it that highly but I just wanted to check in. Baby, sometimes you’re the noble underachiever and sometimes you’re the beautiful valedictorian. No one’s telling you that you can’t be both but you gotta stop imagining they are. You can have it all if you want. Cut back on the coffee for a few days and see how you feel. Drink tea on Thursdays. Take a swim if you can. It’s all coming together but it won’t if you keep telling everything you’re unworthy.
July 23 – August 22
Goddamn Leo, your skin looks good! And is that a new shirt? Yr lip gloss is, as they say, poppin’! There’s just something about you this month, and I’m not the only one who can tell. Have you considered investing in some stocks? Have you considered starting a book club? Have you considered taking a few dozen selfies and posting them all to your fave social media outlet one after another in a shameless parade of self-love? I’m not guaranteeing that the cutie you dig is going to like every last one of them but the Universe wants you to know that the outlook is gooooooood.
August 23 – September 22
Seems like a good month to order business cards for yourself. Don’t have a business? Seems like an excuse. It can be hard to feel light on your feet when there’s so much going on in your head, but progress is coming out of your current struggle. Keep at it. Throw out that shirt with the missing button and make sure you’re getting enough Vitamin C. If you haven’t solo underwear danced to Rihanna’s new album yet, pencil some time into your schedule ASAP.
September 23 – October 22
Grief will wear on you quickly if you don’t find a way to move through it. Sometimes that’s pushing up against it until it buckles, sometimes that’s slicing through it with all the knives your hands can carry. Sometimes it’s just saying its name out loud. Practice naming your grief. Get friendly with it. You know what they say about keeping your enemies close? It’ll be the last one that expects you when you sneak up on it and cut its fucking head off.
October 23 – November 21
Yikes! That’s a rather heavy burden you’re toting around with you these days. If you can take a day off, do it. If you can’t (I feel u), take extra care to carve out quiet time for yourself lest you get burned out and dig yourself into a pit you can’t climb out of. Is there someone you haven’t spoken to in a minute? Call the first name that came to mind, even if it’s just to say hello. Sometimes the energy of all things hinges on just starting.
November 22 – December 21
With all due respect, no one cares about your excuses. Maybe you’re treading some water right now or maybe you’re just being lazy. The point is that it’s up to you to figure it out before you self destruct. You’ve got the tools, but you gotta stop sleeping on ‘em. Make yourself a nice dinner, wake up a little earlier than usual, and, for god’s sake, at least respond to those emails that are clogging up your inbox. If you make it through May some good things are in your future, but you’re gonna need to get to work first. The NBA team you’re rooting for in the playoffs isn’t doing so hot but that doesn’t mean you can’t! To the hoop, ya’ll!
December 22 – January 19
Being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing but be watchful that you don’t become needlessly hard to work with this month. Sharing your resources and knowledge could majorly help someone close to you, and serve as a good reminder that teaching others is a good look. There’s a delicate balance and maybe you’ve been missing it for the last few months. When’s the last time you exfoliated? When’s the last time you got a full night’s rest? When’s the last time you went out of your way to say thank you?
January 20 – February 18
If your partner suddenly brings home a snake and it freaks you out a little bit, don’t panic or take it personally. Not that you can take a snake personally, but idk. Full disclosure, this happened to me this week and while the advice might not apply to you, maybe you can use it in the broader sense. It might be tempting to deeply internalize some current criticism, but I suggest avoiding that this month at all costs. Shore up, stand tall, and stay the course. Have you drank enough water today? Make yourself a phone reminder so you don’t forget, babe.
February 19 – March 20
Pisces, my girl! This month seems like it’s gonna be smooth sailing for you for the first time in awhile. Use that time to contemplate your intentions, to contemplate where you’re at and where you’re going. Watch Rihanna’s video for “Needed Me” and plot your latest revenge. Consider buying a see-through robe.
March 21 – April 19
If you’ve never wondered what it’s like to kiss a total stranger, now’s the time. If you’re thinking “this is terrible advice, what the heck” I’m not going to say you’re wrong. Lots of us didn’t have the same consideration and we turned out just fine. If you’re vehemently opposed try this: take a risk, dial the number, knock on the door, try on a new self for the night. You don’t have to be her tomorrow. None of this is static, ya dig?